This can be very complex and a very individual thing, my story and life lessons are not anyone else s, they might be intertwined, but they are not everyone’s..
So really I can only describe my thoughts and feelings on the subject as they have come to me during the years to the point I am at right not in life.
I am now 45 years old. For the last almost 7 years I have worked with people with disabilities. My world label is, Community Living Facilitator. Why I tell you this will be shown as I tell a little of my life further into this post.
As a child I would help my mother with her wild bird care, I loved my animals, was fiercely loyal to friends and a soft caring child. My first employment opportunity was with a Pacing Horse stable. Typical me, gave it all I had, to the extent of one time working with a concussion, where looking back now, I really should have been taken to hospital.
During these years my friend loyalty would be tested over and over again. I seemed to give as much as I had of myself. Friends came and went, some stuck for a lot longer. I will never ever regret their part in my life as good or bad they taught me not only something about myself, but also something about the sort of people I could have in my life and those I couldn’t. I now use what I call a friendship circle, you earn your way into that circle and I let some boundaries down, but if there is a stuff that I cannot live with, you slowly work your way out of the circle. Some earned a big leap out. But some behaviours and choices that people make are some that you just cannot live with.
Now I believe that we have written this life before we returned in this body and this shell we exist in right now. So I believe that we are given things that we chose, we just don’t remember them when we come back. And that every thing we are doing is working on improving our souls and its accent-ion each return. I am hoping this is making some sense as its just flowing out, so I am not sure its in good order to make sense lol
All my life, I would help my friends through situations, deaths, loosing boyfriends, divorce, friendship losses, mental stability and happy times, birth of children, foals, puppies, new relationships and more. I remember in the early days, I would do the usual, hand myself over to the process so completely and with no boundaries, that I would loose myself in the process. I would loose sleep, get angry at their choices that were theirs to make, let myself feel hurt and pain when the let me down.
Now self reflection is a brilliant tool!! it is something that is so powerful and valuable. By teaching myself self reflection I have manage to slowly teach myself what I was allowed to feel, not what others made me feel, because really unless someone is holding a gun to your head there is no real way for anyone to make you feel anything, you are letting yourself feel those things by choosing it.
My longest friendship of 33 years ended 2 and half years ago. What did I do, I straight away self reflected and you know what, I was just as responsible for her behaviour as she was, I allowed her to be the needy feeder. I let this happen for so long that the one single moment in time where I was suicidal since I was 19 years old and I needed my best friends support.. what did this best friend of so long do… Her statement “I cant deal with this shit”. It was then that I realized, not only was I not getting any respect in the friendship, but that I was holding her back from learning by still being around, being that rock, being the person that was always there, was enabling her to stay stuck where she was.
My point of discussing the above in the guise of life’s lessons is. I am 45, I work in the disabled sector and probably will till I retire, since my move here and getting this job, a job that my entire life, choices and behaviours have led too this point in time, this job, this place, this home, my own home, fabulous supportive complete friends, who give just as much as I give out. Several extended families that I love and adore as if they were my own blood.
I know that my life’s lessons are not over, life is still throwing me new ones each week, month or year and every one will be learn t by self reflection, love, peace and forward action.
A young friend about Christmas time said something to me that threw me a beauty. She said, “As much as its horrible, I am glad to see that you have made a mistake” (this was about my mares laminitis and the fact at a time of great grief after putting her paddock mate down, I gave her the wrong stuff for hydration and it left her in great pain and a long road back) My first thought was wow, am I projecting myself as some perfect person, am I coming from EGO!
So what did I do, I self reflected and talked to the next best person possible, my bestie Dianna, We are very like minded in how we think and feel about many things, now Dianna and I hope to have an extremely long friendship, we are able to tell each other just as we need to, we see each other just as we need to and in great times of crisis, we are there for one another with complete loyalty and hand ourselves over to that moment totally. So I asked Dianna what she thought about the comment from our young friend and she said it just perfectly.
“Its not that we don’t make mistakes, its that if and when we make a mistake, we turn every part of it around to a positive and make it all better by moving forward.”
So life’s lessons never end, they are eternal, our soul energy is eternal. We are not responsible for what others, do, think, feel. We are only responsible for our own, thoughts, feelings.